I had really nice Thanksgiving with my parents this year. My cousin didn't drive down from Montreal because he had been here the two weekends in a row, before. I did text him some pictures of our food though, so he could sort of share in our meal!
Since I'm the cook and I don't love turkey (I blame it on all the Turkey Dinners I had at my cousin's growing up, with dry meat - yuck!), I made Beef Brisket. Also a hearty Beef Vegetable Stock from scratch with Liver Dumplings (with tons of leftovers for Dad), Swiss Risotto and cooked up all of the Swiss Chard from Mom's garden. Delicious. I baked a Pumpkin Sour Cream Pie for Dessert with Whipped Cream. I also made Punch (an alcoholic version).
I had a chance to sit down with my Dad and have a good talk. I mentioned before that he has been crying a lot recently and it gave me a chance to ask him why he has been so emotional. Of course this brought on more tears, but basically he said he realizes 1) he's old and 2) he's not healthy. I was really surprised to hear him say he is only realizing now, that he's not healthy, given how long he has been unhealthy (14 years). But when I think about it, my Dad has always been positive & upbeat (though cynical) about his health. He has never complained about not being able to eat properly anymore, or having to sleep in a sitting position EVERY night since his surgery. So maybe in his mind, he thought he was okay. I think what he's been through over the last year has made him think differently about his body and his physical ability. It was pretty heartbreaking to hear this. He also said he wishes he had treated me better & had done things differently as a parent. He has a lot of regret about our family. This made me cry. He has never ever said these things to me. All I could say to him is that I love him, no matter what, and that he can't look back, he just has to make peace with the way things are. He and my Mom did the best they could because no one is ever born knowing how to be a parent. (Yes, I am crying as I type this.)
No matter what happens in the future with my Dad, I can say that we have been honest with each other about our feelings & have said what we wanted to say. I won't look back thinking I didn't make the most of my time with him. Cancer really sucks, and so does aging when you are not healthy.
2 comments:
Recently had the "I wish I treated you better" talk with my dad too. Not the easiest chat but the perspective is interesting. I didn't accept the apologies that went with it - there is nothing to be sorry for. We all live in the moment and hindsight is always 20/20.
Sorry to see that your dad is having such a tough time. He has the support and caring of a thoughtful daughter, so that should ease his mind somewhat. Still, it must be frustrating all around.
Thanksgiving was really nice. And yes, plenty of turkey was consumed.
Drew
Hi Drew - thanks for the kind words, much appreciated. My Dad is doing much better now. I think it helped for him to get it off of his chest. He seems in much better spirits now. Hope your Dad is doing okay too.
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